Tuxcapades!

These past few days have been CRAZY! Usually I'd just get up, go to school, go home, and sleep. This is the usual procedure of a high school student, mixed with maybe a couple "Go downtown and get a burger" or something once a week. However, this week has been... interesting to say the least.

Yesterday, I did the usual routine. However, today I'm to be going to this peer mediation conference during school so I had to get my homework, which is just a little tweak. I'm pretty okay with this because it's not a huge transition like traveling across the entire country twice to see a bunch of pretty colleges, but after school instead of going to rehearsal all of the mock pageant guys met up in the meeting room for a special trip: a tuxedo rental store. I've been to one a few months ago for my close friend's coming-of-age ceremony, but it was nowhere near in the scenario of an en masse 8-men-need-tuxes-within-a-week. While this is normally pretty simple because we have quite a few tuxedo places near our hometown, we had to drive somewhere a bit... far off. Try a city about 10 miles away. Even then, it's not bad. It is when you have two teenage drivers who have barely just held onto their licenses for a year and an elderly woman who has the attention span of a gopher. I don't have neither my license nor a car yet, so I was stuck going inside one of the teenagers' cars because the elderly woman for some reason didn't feel like having people in her car. Turns out I picked the right car at the last second- I was running late because I needed to snag the stuff from my locker at school on account that it was pouring out and I needed my fedora. We got to the tuxedo store within 20 minutes and were nearly all entirely fitted before the other shipment of guys came pouring in. The driver of the other car apparently sucks at driving and the person in the front seat giving directions apparently wasn't helping at all. After a series of phone calls filled with my being able to hear a bunch of

"FUCK! WHERE ARE WE?! I'M LOST, DAMMIT!"

"I DON'T KNOW! WHY DID YOU TAKE A LEFT?!"

"YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE A FUCKING LEFT!"
"I MEANT THE OTHER LEEEEFT!!!"

from a few feet away, the store manager staring at us with a smug look like, "You are so desperate for a tux for this stupid show I'm going to laugh at you from afar," and people running around outside getting soaked from the rain in a frantic attempt to find each other, the other people waltzed in like nothing happened. Except the driver, who is clearly miffed and complaining to his girlfriend about it. Everyone gets fitted, and finally the woman running the entire show comes waltzing in complaining about traffic and blaming every little puddle she saw. We stand around for a few minutes figuring out every little logistic, then the guy who drove the car I rode in on the way there decided to leave us for the other driver. Slogging into the back seat of a massive Ford Windstar, I proceed to go on the longest 10-mile trip I've ever encountered. Not even within three minutes the driver (C.S1.) was lost and driving in circles, the guy in the shotgun seat (C.Q.) isn't helping at all, the guy (C.S2.) I'm sitting next to is beating up the guy in front of him (E.C.), E.C. is making really bad sex jokes, and the guy in front of me (C.D.) is going completely music ADD on us. Ten minutes later, we are parked in front of a YMCA asking someone's parents for directions to our hometown, C.S.2 is pummeling the back of E.C.'s seat, C.D. is still music ADD, C.S.1 and C.Q. are bickering over directions while still on the phone with the parent, E.C. is running out of the car fake-crying, and I'm falling over laughing at all of this. The entire fiasco could be translated into this:

"Want a bad roman- DOO, DO DO DODO, DO DOO DO, DO DODO-"
"SHE TOLD ME TO TAKE A FUCKI-"

"SHE MEANT THE LEFT IN FRONT OF THAT ONE-"

"GET BACK IN HERE-"

"WAAAAAAAA-"

"GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THAT SEAT, BIT- *snicker*-BAHAHAHA-"

"DOO, DO DO DODO, DO DOO- I want you psycho, your vertical stick-"

This continued pretty much this way for the next fifteen minutes, with a couple stops in front of cop cars with people's seatbelts off writing the word "asshats" on the fogged-up windows, creepy parks in the middle of the city, and random restaurants. I'm next to passing out from laughter this entire time because for some reason I get really giggly when stuck in a car with guys, and by the time we actually see non-rundown buildings our conversations devolved into C.S.1 and C.Q. cheering for knowing the rest of the way home, C.D. still music ADD, and E.C., C.S.2 and I screaming stuff like little kids. That can be translated into this:

"WE CAN FIND THE REST OF OUR WAY HOME-"

"DAAAD I GOTTA GO POTTY!"

"DAAD I WANTED TO GO TO MCDONALDS!"

"DAAAD WHY IS MOM A FILTHY WHORE?!"

"DAAAAD!"

"DAAAAAAD!"
"ARE WE THERE YET?!"

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!"
"I WANTED THE BLUE SHIRT NOT THE GREEN ONE!"
"I WANT A NINJA TURTLES LUNCHBOX!"
"NINJA TURTLES SUCK, I WANT A SPIDAMAN LUNCHBOX!"
"DAAD WHY IS UNCLE COMING OVER SO MUCH?!"

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!"

"DOO, DO DO DODO, DO DOO DO, DO DODO-"

By the time we get to my house to drop me off, our trip has taken over an hour. I never anticipated a trip to a city 10 miles away could be such a hassle.

In honor of the DOO, DO DO DODO song, I present the song of the day to you:

Streamline by Newton!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BugFniXE1rc