YAY

I don't wanna go back to school. I may be becoming a senior, but honestly, I just want summer to keep on going.
I've also been getting really into cosplay lately. This past month for some reason my friend K.B. got me into this group that does cosplay, I'm not even sure why or how, it just happened. It might be from me hanging out with J.P. in Boston a few times then it grew from there, but now I'm hanging out with all these people across the state and talking on Skype with them practically every day. We go into Boston like every week or so to just run around like idiots. It's really fun. I even met my current boyfriend through them! It was a total matchmaking game that worked out, but K.B. and J.P. smashed me in with this guy called J.R. saying he's also gay and we just meshed together. As it stands, it's kinda difficult for us to be together because he lives an hour away and neither of us can drive yet but we're finding ways. I still worry a little because we're still getting used to each other and- being as neither of us have been in relationships for a while- kinda flirty to other people. I'm still explaining to him that I will never cheat on him except for certain circumstances (Truth or Dare, King's Game, etc.) but it'll work out, I'm sure of it.

The song of the day is The Black Halo by Kamelot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhtW3jZjS9g

Gay Pride!

Saturday was Gay Pride Parade.
I woke up at 6 to get into full cybergoth, which involved tons of shaving and putting on makeup. The entire process took about 2.5 hours but came out INCREDIBLE. I had so many compliments on pretty much every aspect of my outfit, which made me feel good because this is my first time going nearly entirely full-cyber. The only thing I was missing was a surgeon mask, which was intentional because it's not so easy speaking in them and I don't want to worry about where it is at any given time.
I get to the parade at about 10ish, no one's there by this time because it actually begins at like 11:30. After about an hour of waiting, people start popping up out of nowhere. The thing about gay pride parades you always hear about but don't really have a clue of what the reality is like is the way people truly are. I'm in nearly full cybergoth, like tons of makeup, fishnets, black and white stripes, blue hair, and I look sane compared to some of these people. I saw people dressed up as horses driving people around, the most insane drag (like harlequin-esque drag, ones with tons of feathers, etc.), people dressed up as insects on stilts, and so much more.
At like 11:15, I was talking to J.F. (who I'm pretty sure hates me because I'm constantly in like this pre-dating stage with A.H-O. where we will hold hands and cuddle and flirt for no reason and J.F. clearly likes A.H-O. a great deal. I kinda feel like J.F.'s T.B., which is very infuriating for me and I feel so sorry for him.) and my chorus teacher M.M. walks up out of nowhere. I stare at him blankly for a couple seconds.

Me: Mr. M.?!
Mr. M.: *Stares at me* Alex?! Wow, you look... different!
Me: Yeah, I decided to go cybergoth today, which is why my hair's not red right now.
Mr. M.: Wow...
Me: So what are you doing here?
Mr. M.: Well, I'm hanging out with a few friends.
Me: Marching?
Mr. M.: GOTTA GO.

It was kinda awkward, kinda awesome at the same time.
Parade aside because it's just kinda generic for me by now, we finish in front of city hall at some kind of fair thing, which is where Gay Pride continues. My group and I RUN to the nearest abandoned booth and set up shop there because it's on the verge of pouring at this time. Two minutes later it begins. I spend the next half hour curled up in this little booth next to the Cirque Du Soleil people, when it finally lets up. During this time I took off my wig because it's just a pain to take care of if there's constant rain. When the rain cleared up, I went out with A.F. and a few other people, ran into some guy called Colby, instantly wanted to just throw myself at him (Like this guy was smoking hot and goth)
Eventually A.H-O. called and I gave him directions to our area because he was busy dealing with shit for the past few hours.
A.H.: Where am I?!
Me: Government center.
A.H.: I'm outside, where are you?!
Me: What do you see?
A.H.: I see a huge rainbow arch.
Me: THAT IS NOT HELPFUL.
A.H.: It's away from the city hall!
Me: THAT'S STILL NOT HELPFUL. WHICH EDGE OF THE STATION ARE YOU AT?!
A.H.: I don't know! I'm outside it!
Me: Do you see fishnets?!
A.H.: Oh, okay. I see you.
Me: *Head/cellphone*

We then proceed to spend the next long while hanging out. After a while I mention how horny I am and how I want to get fucked today. We start talking a bit about sex, then I bring up how I would love to have sex with him but figure that he wouldn't be interested. He responds with "I am pretty interested, but there's just a couple complications I have about it." He proceeds to list them, which makes no sense to me but whatever.
Time passes, we run into a few people including this girl called AI, J.F., and A.F. We spend the next couple hours talking with these people, I try to find a place when I can ask A.H-O. if he does want to have sex before we go to this club that night, which I don't. At some point, a couple guys from our group show up and we talk with them. I go behind A.H-O. and wrap my arms around him, then we start holding hands for about 10 minutes. It was really... nice. It's one of those things that I love; holding hands. It's completely platonic yet so intimate at the same time. I wish we held hands for longer, but J.F. was starting to look all upset and A.H-O. let go upon noticing his facial expression.
This entire time I'm extremely cold. I'm in mostly fishnets and thin clothes, with the exception of combat boots and tripp shorts, and it's about 60 degrees out and windy. C.F. shows up and starts to hit on me. I let him because he's incredibly warm and when he wraps his arms around me I become all toasty. I also borrow A.H-O's jacket along the way. According to C.F. (who's kind of a nymphomaniac), I have the perfect butt for bottoming, which makes me feel pretty proud of my butt.
More time passes, A.F., AI, A.H-O. and I head off to this gay youth club. We hang out some more, J.F. pops up out of nowhere. I ask A.H-O. again if he's interested in sex, he repeats that he has complications, so I just let it drop.
Moving ahead, we got into the club as the first people. It was strangely empty, which made sense because we WERE the first people in there, but still. People started trickling in over time, and I started grinding with A.F.
The entire club thing wasn't that exciting in itself with the exception of awkward meetings with people from my school and being called out by Sariah (apparently semi-famous musician, constantly heard in Abercrombie & Fitch) for my makeup, so let's fast forward to 10ish.
A.H-O, a few people and I leave the club to get to the train station. This kid David's train leaves in fifteen minutes at the station about 10 minutes away, so he starts running. We start running after him, and mid-travel we start talking. Somewhere along the line, David asks A.H-O. and I if we're dating. My eyes just bug out and A.H-O. was just like "Uhh... no." Eventually we get to the place outside of the train station and David runs ahead in a panic. A.H-O. and I hang back a little and hold each other a little, ending in a kiss goodbye. Now I'm just effin' confused about whether A.H-O. is interested in me or is stringing me along, because he's a sexaholic but won't sleep with me, will cuddle and hold hands with me, kiss me goodbye, but he also will hold hands and cuddle with girls. I'm just annoyed at my confusion because it makes me feel pathetic. Gods dammit, I hate liking people.
MOVING ON.
So, I'm at the subway station with David, he's freaking shit because his train leaves in like 10 minutes and the subway takes about that time to get to the train station. Suddenly, this guy pops up behind us.
(So you know, quotations will be David and I whispering to each other)
Guy: Hey, I remember you! You were wearing that makeup at the gay pride parade!
Me: Yeah, small world!
David: *Immediately starts giggling nervously*
Guy: Yeah, that was a fun parade. And I see you met someone!
David: Yeah, hi. (Do you know this guy?)
Me: (Not a fucking clue, fucking SKETCH.) Yup, we met at the club.
Guy: Oooh, nice. And I see you're going the same way. Meeting up at his house, eh? *Points at David and winks, nudges me a little with his elbow*
Me: Yeah, something like that.
David: *Starts seriously curling in a little ball giggling.
Guy: Have any plans for tonight?
Me: Not sure... *Starts playing along with Guy* Maybe head off with this guy. (Why is he so INTERESTED?!)
David: (I don't know!)
Me: (AAAAGH.)
David: (FUCKING CREEPER.)

This continues on for a little while, and eventually the subway shows up so David and I start full-on charging into the subway hoping that Guy is going on the one going the opposite direction. He does, so we're happy. Well, I am. David's pissed and letting everyone know because his train leaves in a few minutes and the subway doors are refusing to close.
We eventually get to the train station, I discover that the next train to my town leaves at 11:30, it's about 10:30, and his train is still boarding for some reason. He leaves, I just sit down and wait.
12:30 comes, I finally enter the doorway to my house. My mom is pissed that I was half an hour late without any notice (my cell died around 9 and no one was going to lend me their phone) so now I can't go to group meeting on Wednesday.
I absolutely loved Saturday except for one thing: now I don't know how A.H-O. thinks of me. I want to ask him, but I'm worried that it would just jeopardize the friendship and I risked that enough by asking for sex. I hate this kind of limbo stage... I might just ask K.V. or T.K-H. to talk to him and ask what he feels for me, because they're the awesome girl friends that could probably find out.

The song of the day is without a doubt "Deep N Luv" by Sariah, because this was the awesome performance she did Saturday night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yVkXq2RiVU

THAT WAS NOT RIGHT.

I've recently discovered one of the worst things that can happen between you and a teacher. It's really funny in an intensely ironic poetic justice way.
So this one guy I've been sexting/flirting with on and off for about a year now, his name is G.R. He's a few years older than me, so since he was the first guy of any significant age that I flirted with, everyone else being only a couple years older than me. This was before my now-21-year-old ex P.R., by the way. So little while ago I was talking to someone and they brought up how my old math teacher Mr. R. is G.R.'s dad. I see Mr. R. every day and he is incredibly friendly.
This is what goes on in my mind every time I pass by him:
Mr.R.: Hi! How are you?
Me: Hi! I saw your son naked!
I'm not even sure if he realizes his son is bi... I'm heavily considering telling him that I sexted his son when I graduate, but that would be such a terrible idea in so many ways.

Also, last night I was at BAGLY and T.K-H was there for the first time in a while. Eventually, we decided to head to the train to go home, so goodbye hugs, kisses and nearly shoving my hand down A.H-O's pants (jk! kinda...) later, T.K-H and I are walking to the orange line. Along the way, we pass by these two hobos going down on each other.
Guy Hobo: *moving down on girl hobo*
Girl Hobo: Oh, yeah, baby!
T.K-H.: D8! THIS IS DISGUSTING.
Little Girl: Mommy, what are those bundle of clothes doing to each other?
Mom: I think I just caught airborne syphilis...
Girl Hobo: OOOOH YEAAAH
Me: Let's...just...run.

It was mildly disturbing to say the least.
After getting to the train, I lay around on my seat with my bag right next to me. I notice the sign right across from me saying, "PLEASE KEEP FEET AND PARCELS OFF THE SEATS." Oops. So the conductor comes by, I give him my ticket and student ID because I get half off on school days. He stares at me, looks at my ticket, looks at me and says, "Sorry, this only works before 8. It's 10:35."
Me: I never knew that!
Conductor: Well, you need to pay up!
Me: I don't have any money anymore, how could I at 17 years old?!
Conductor: Do you want me to call the police?
Me: *Fake-breakdown*
Conductor: Okay, I'll ignore it for this time. You do this again, though, and you're gonna be arrested and fined $500.
Me: That's pretty intense for a student.
Conductor: YEAH. DON'T GET TOO HAPPY.

That was just disturbing. Why does my line get all of the conductors who actually still care about their job?

The song of the day is the Fanny Pack song, because I've had it stuck in my head for the past two days for no reason whatsoever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2UuXY7-FII

Should this even be on the internet?

YESTERDAY. AAAAAAAAAAAGH. OMGOMGOMG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. *falls over screaming*
I don't think I've been this happy in like... ever.
So there's this GLBT group-meeting thingy going on about an hour's train ride away from my house that I got some interest in from A.H-O. a couple weeks back. I decided to go this week just to try it out because I had nothing really to do. So, it happens every Wednesday so yesterday I took the train in and spent a little while at the library. Nothing big happened there, synced my local library card to the library there so now I can get books from both areas, read a book about Martin Luther in German for the hell of it and amidst deciphering it there was this group of people right behind me speaking fluent German. That was incredibly awkward.
So, 6pm comes around and I decide to head over to the meeting. It's held in a church, like a big gregarious church, so I'm a little intimidated. It didn't take long at all to realize that the meeting is held there due to a large amount of obviously gay people sitting around smoking and flirting with each other. I head inside because I knew it's going to take A.H-O. a flipping eternity to get there. In the meeting I find that the girl who saved K.V. and my asses to get into BAGLY prom was officiating the thing. I was so stoked. We go in, do check-in, I don't remember anyone's names from there except this really cool nerdy-looking girl called Lauren and a wanna-be surfer named Tyler. We then do this game where we write a fact about themselves and put in a hat then try to figure out whose fact is whose. I got bored half-way through and left to hang out with A.H-O. who just happened to show up.
This the scariest part of the entire trip: He was with my ex-stalker C.F. Nothing going on, just standing there talking. My insides turn outside, I want to scream, I feel dizzy. C.F. doesn't remember me like at all. Relief? FUCK YES.
After lolling around a little bit, A.H-O. and a couple of his friends decide to go to Burger King, and I tag along simply because I wanted to. I didn't get anything, but I dunked a Lindt peanut-butter thing in A.H-O's hood and pulled it over his head. He instantly freaks because he thought I put actual raw peanut butter in his hood and it would've ruined his hair (which really wouldn't matter because the drill camp he went to this weekend practically shaved him to a little fohawk) but T.K-H. was like "Umm... no." I then proceed to flirt with A. a little, like taking out some pocky and suggesting we play the pocky game (Google it if you don't know) before T.K-H. steals the bag and eats it herself, moving onto a variation of the pocky game called the Fiberone Bar game, then moving onto the condom game. After a while, they get their food and we sit down to eat. I steal a ton of T.'s fries, talk with A. about losing weight... Miley Cyrus came onto the radio so we booked it back to the meeting.
More time talking, and then I meet A.F. as he begins to hit on A.H-O. I hit on him a little, he hits on me, we hit on A.H-O., he hits on us, the statue hits on us, I hit on A.F... you get the picture. It all boils down to A.F. telling me that I'm hot and we start making out outside behind a column. More of us talking and hanging out, some random guy starts talking to me for no reason, I talk to him. Aaand random guy turns clingy, which I discovered when I tried to talk to any other guy and Random Guy freaks out like WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME?!?! It was just...awkward... Especially because I thought he was a girl at first (sparkly eyeliner, purse, hairband, sweatshirt thing with fur lining) and was like "I'm gay..." and he's like "I am too! 8D"
...Great...
So eventually A.F. gets drawn into the meeting inside the church because the mediator comes running out screaming "HEY! WE'RE PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE WITH A WOODEN DILDO!" I head in for a little then got bored very quickly because it was some kind of safe version of spin-the-dildo where they just rattle off some memory about the other person then the two people swap spots. I head outside and start talking to A.H-O. and T.K-H.
At 8:30, I had to leave so I went inside to say by to A.F. which ensued us making out a little. I walk outside to say bye to the others when A.H-O. is like, "Okay, you just made out with A.F. for a looong time so I'm now really curious what you're like." Then he took my hand, led me to a corner of an alcove, shoved me against a wall and we proceeded to make out for 10 minutes. I swear, my heart was spasming the entire time I was so excited. Eventually I had to go, so we finally kissed goodbye, I kissed T.K-H on the cheek and took the train over to some random town where my mom was and we went home.
Total earthly joy? Yes. Is it enough to make me hopeful for the future? YES. I feel much more confident now after getting compliments from multiple people, getting the interest of multiple people, and making more friends. I think I'll be going here on a regular basis now. It's not so much the feeling that some people want to hook up with me that makes me happy, really. I just feel appreciated for who I am and my general appearance because I feel so unattractive most of the time. However these people aren't desperate nor are they close friends, they have no need to compliment me. So I feel much better about myself now that I'm getting compliments from nearly absolute strangers.

The song of the day is C'mon Girl by Red Hot Chili Peppers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIPulXpwHYU

I give up...

Yesterday was filled with happiness and sorrow. I enjoyed a huge deal of it but by the end of the night I just wanted to curl in a little ball.
It was Boston Youth Pride yesterday, so my GSA and K.V. traveled over to Boston for it despite the rain. I don't mean rain as in a little trickle kind of rain, I mean rain as in out of nowhere the rain comes pouring down to the point where you can barely see stuff from 20 feet away. New England doesn't like to do little trickles of rain.
While there, K.V. and I ran into T.B. and his GSA. I asked him out and he said yes, so I was off the walls excited that I'm back in the dating game. However, that didn't work out because later on I ran into A.O. I danced a little with A.O. who left to do other things while telling me that he plans to come back a little later. I was about to start making out with him, too... Of course, that dance never worked out because he ran into T.B. and started dancing with him and by the end of the night when K.V. T.B. and I were leaving A.O. took T.B. out of sight and I didn't see either of them for a few minutes. Just now I'm texting T.B. and found out that he and A.O. are going on a date sometime. So just as quickly as I entered the dating game I got thrown out. So I give up on getting a boyfriend during high school because the universe clearly hasn't wanted me to get a boyfriend over the past year.
In better news, I spent the majority of the day with K.V! My GSA left at like 1 leaving us behind so we decided to spend the day wandering around. We got picked up by her mom, went to the hotel and wandered around a bit. We really had no idea what to do so we wandered around the Prudential Mall giggling like idiots about everything then went to the library for some down time. After that, we somehow managed to walk halfway across Boston again to the Boston Commons and entered a McDonald's just as it started to pour again. There we ran into A.O. as he did a very half-assed version of tarot to a bunch of random people. Like it was obvious to me that he wasn't trying very hard, which is very amusing for me because I was sitting there like "Really? Are you trying?" as he was reading out of a pamphlet-thing about what each card means. People still liked it, though, so I'm not complaining. As we made towards the BAGLY prom, he finally revealed that his age is "vientidos" which just gave me a massive twitch.
I loved yesterday, but it taught me that I shouldn't bother trying to get a boyfriend. College will come in a couple years and that'll throw one at me pretty quickly. Least I got 17 male condoms, 6 packs of lube, 2 female condoms and 1 thing of lube for those things.
The song of the day is "Smashing The Opponent" by Infected Mushroom, because that perfectly explains my mood right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAwIpOnzN8M

Oh, SHNAP!

So today I bought my first bra. It was an intense experience, I walked into CVS and flat-out said, "On Saturday, I'm crossdressing for the first time. HELP MEH." So we spent nearly half an hour scouring through the entire makeup line like a pack of rabid Twilight fangirls trying to figure this shit out. I may need to make another run because I'm not sure if I have eyeshadow that matches the rest of my makeup. After snagging my makeup, I proceeded to run to Marshall's for a bra. All the way there, I was flipping out because I didn't know what to do. I decided to pretend that I was a boyfriend looking for his girlfriend's size. A really big girlfriend, like size 40 girlfriend.
So do you know how difficult it was to find a size 40 there? YEAH. I SPENT FREAKING TWENTY MINUTES IN THE BRA RACK (Teehee... bras on racks...) LOOKING. All I found for the first 19 minutes were size 44F's. I may be a size 40, but I was looking for a C cup, not boobs that need leashes instead of a bra. I don't need boobs that will fly out of my chest and eat someone if the bra breaks. Here's to hoping it won't break on Saturday.
In better news, this Saturday is Boston Youth Pride! I am so bloody excited it's unbelievable!
This song of the day, because I don't feel like posting that much, is Illusion by VNV Nation.

This groove is for my girls, little boys little girls

I'm disappointed. The season finale for RuPaul's Drag Race happened tonight. I was rooting for Jujube this entire time, but Tyra won. I'm happy for her in the fact that now she can take care of her 5-year-old son, but seriously? Tyra is good at drag, yes, but Jujube has way more personality and pep than Tyra! Tyra was on the bottom of my list out of Raven, Jujube, and Tyra when it comes to actual drag. Raven is talented and amazing in her style of drag and was able to stretch into different areas very well, Tyra can only really do glamour and ghetto drag. Jujube is fabulous and can work everything she does, her only downfall is when she freezes up! I'm just... miffed at that.
BUT! Today I got to hang out with K.J. in Boston! I was phenomenally excited to hang out with her for the first time since I hugged her goodbye before getting onto the shuttle to the airport in Chicago. It was college fair, so both of our schools headed into Boston for it. I called her this morning being all like "Hey, you going to college fair?" and she was like "YES." so we bounced around screaming over the phone. Up until I got on the bus to Boston I was bubbling with excitement. I was pretty much hugging everyone with excitement and screaming for no reason. (If you can't tell by now, K.J. is one of my closest friends who knows virtually everything about me and what I've done.) After a ton of shenanigans with guidance and other people in my class who are being suspended, I walked into the World Trade Center in Boston for the College Fair. I wandered around a while, then I eventually called her. She was at the opposite end of the entire room (all of the colleges are in this one room, it looks like a dealer's room at a convention but much more boring), so I booked it over there.
So there I was, standing around waiting for her to show up. I actually decided to look at the booth I'm near, and there was this one girl bickering with the person running the booth. She turns around, then we blankly stare at each other for a few seconds. Once we realized that she's K.J. and I'm Alex, I'm pretty damn sure J.A. fell over from the sheer volume of our screams from across the entire hall. Thus begins our two hours together!

The song of the day, in honour for RuPaul's Drag Race Season 2, is Ladyboy by RuPaul herself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C80DJibiAE

I wanted to say

This week was filled with me running around. Not even beginning to lie at all.
So with my depression project I decided to start working with the beating-down-the-health-teachers piece by talking to the math department. My idea was to talk with them and create a program for the students taking statistics to give out a survey to the school about how students would feel about a public speaker at their school. However, it turns out the students in the statistics classes already picked their surveys and starting to work on them. If I wanted to continue working with the math department I'd have to wait over a month for the seniors to leave (there's only like two juniors in the statistics classes so there'd be gobs upon gobs of free time for the teachers.) So that was a fail.
In better news, I talked with my teachers about talking to my classes about me being gay for Day of Silence next week because I would be across the country when DoS comes around. The teachers loved that idea, so on Thursday I talked to my Global Religions and Chinese II classes. The extremely weird thing is that the students rarely ever listen to someone speaking at the front of the class, so when I got up there and started talking I did NOT expect everyone to be paying full attention to me. It felt so weird, because all of the other times I spoke- even if the students were being graded on what I said for projects and stuff - no one ever payed attention. The hugest shock was my Chinese class because everyone in the class is notorious for being crazy ADD and beating each other up but when I looked around while speaking there was not one person who was fixated on what I said. I think a couple even cried. It was so weird!!!
The weirder part is that the next day (yesterday), I was in my Chinese class working on some worksheet when my teacher walked up and asked me what lunch I had (my school has three lunches, students are assigned to one of the lunches depending on what teacher they had). When I said I had third lunch, she got really disappointed for a couple seconds then had a sudden thought. "What class do you have before lunch?"
"Chorus."
"What would you say if I take you out of Chorus and you speak to the foreign language department about what you spoke about yesterday?"
So I was dragged out of Chorus to talk to a bunch of teachers about my experiences being gay. I'd say it went pretty well, I managed to say what I wanted to say and they got what they wanted to hear. Thursday and Friday just confused the hells out of me..

Because of the weirdness that went on, the song of the day is "Smashing the Opponent" by Infected Mushroom!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAwIpOnzN8M

Time off

I haven't felt this relaxed in a long while. Since the show's been done I've had very little to do. The process has been go to school, go home, sit around listlessly for a while, start doing homework and get attacked by some overly hormonal guy who can't really deal with the fact that I have better things to do than give into my carnal instincts every day of my life. Pretty much every day he's trying to turn me on, and nearly every day it doesn't work. As of right now I've put him on my ignore list on Facebook just to not deal with him anymore because he was getting really awkward.
For example: E.C. is a pretty good looking kid. Like if he finally decides to come out of the closet (Many of us agree that he likes men and maybe women), I would go out with him. The creepy hormonal guy G.R. is currently crazed over him despite the fact he's like three years older than E.C. As a result, G.R. starts badgering me to ask E.C. if he's bi and everything. I'm getting sick of it so I just pulled the plug on G.R.
Other than that, really nothing's been happening, so this is a relatively short post for now.
So the song of the day would have to be Beloved by VNV Nation!

Showtime! Continued

I didn't bother writing too much in depth last night as I was absolutely wiped and wanted to just curl in bed and fall into a coma. Yesterday was craaaaaaaaaaaazy. Like there's crazy where you have a lot on your plate. Then there's crazy where you have a lot on your plate, a million things are popping up at once, everyone around you also has that going on and you're all trying to help each other out into a gigantic mess of logistics and chaos. I don't know where to start with the show, so let's start a few hours beforehand.

I woke up Saturday morning in a really surreal state. This was the day of the show; no re-do's, no more rehearsals, no more shows to do. This is it! However, before anything else I have to do something for my Chinese class: go to a show on Chinese folk art at the same place as my show. I go there with my mom and her boyfriend, and it all goes pretty well. I see some people from my class, avoid a few other people, etc. It starts off with a really intense drum routine with the guys screaming and using just about every single part of the drum I can imagine. Then a bunch of happy dance routines including the lion and dragon. The lion dance was so improvised because you see in the background the person in the front of the lion suit jumping onto the knees of the person in back and proceeding to "make out" with the other lion. As in taking the heads, opening the mouths, and smashing the heads together. It was odd. The dragon dance was awesome though. It started with all lights on stage off, then the dragon and the pearl come out lit up by LEDs. It was really awesome just because of that effect, and they did the same for the yoyo routine. I was pretty impressed.

Now come an hour before the show. By this time we are getting all of our acts down as far as we possibly can, people are calling and texting us and whatever to say "Good luck!", getting into all of our first outfits, and meetings are going on throughout the whole cast. I probably got at least 10 texts saying "Good luck!" or something of that ilk. Given that most of my friends for some reason don't have cells and/or the capacity to text, I imagine the other contestants got many more. Come the whole cast meeting, our director was apologizing for being an asshole to us and we were all like "You were a total asshole. Bitch." It was amusing. Now come ten minutes before the show, I'm dancing like crazy to keep from having a massive breakdown because you can hear the audience screaming from between multiple rooms. The contestants finally go onto the risers and have a group hug, I assure the hostess that she's going to work it. I'm on the verge of crawling in a little hole screaming when the curtains finally open revealing our silhouettes. The music starts playing and when the spotlight comes on me I hear an entire shower of screams from throughout the entire audience. I grin and strike a pose, the entire right side of my face twitching like crazy from nervousness.

Come sportswear! I do a massive joke on bodybuilders and heroic muscle men by acting like a total flamer. I think they mainly were laughing at the end when my sponsor A.H. drags me offstage and falls in the attempt to pick me up. I should've warned her I'm 20 pounds heavier since the last time she picked me up. Everyone gets a huge amount of laughs at each act, we're all very confident. Most of my acts involve huge amounts of audience participation, I end up talking to the people on stage during my dream date and try to get people during my talent.

Skipping a few scenes, we finally get to the last act: Q&A. The contestants have absolutely no idea what they're going to ask, so I'm terrified because I don't know what to expect. Before we go onstage, though, we have to get into tuxes. The entire deal with tuxes was a bitch enough because the person lending them to us decided to throw us through a million hoops. We finally finish the dream date when the host and hostess completely forget to stall the audience for us to get into tuxes. I'm all set because I wore a tux before and know how to put them all and because there's five scenes after mine in the dream date act. However, the other guys forgot to budget their time and come spilling into the dressing rooms after C.S1's scene. I'm nearly done and have to help everyone else. The director is running in to help, people are flying around with bags, sponsors are trying to help. It just looked like a total blur to me now because of how much screaming "HOW DO I PUT THIS ON?!" and people were climbing on top of each other. I barely manage to fully finish before they tell us to go onstage. Four more guys are still lagging so I try to help as much as I can before the director shoves me out.

I walk onstage with my sponsor when they ask me a question, "You walk out of your home and encounter a massive fire-breathing dragon. What do you do?" I space out for a minute contemplating my answer with a few people in my fan club screaming things at me. Most of my thoughts were either, "Turn up my gayness and out-flame him." or "Splash a bucket of water on it." but I finally say "Turn into a Na'vi and do that weird bonding thing they do." before internally face-palming. Creative? Relatively. Nerdy? Oh, hell yes. In retrospect, I should've said, "RuPaul, queen of drag, I choose you!" or something like that.

In the end, I didn't win. I imagined as such because everyone else is way more mainstream and know how to make most people laugh. I have a relatively obscure humor so some people didn't get my jokes. However, we're all happy that it's over and head off to E.C.'s house for a rager. As far as they said anyways.

However, by the time I get there it's nearly midnight and some people were about to leave because of their parents. I hang out in the hot tub for a while which was an absolutely jam-packed area. I'm squished up against J.C. for most of the time and nearly in a fetal position because the hot tub is designed for 7 people. We have about 15 people in there at any one time. After some people leave, E.C. decides to sit on me for a seat. I have no idea why so I'm really confused, but I'm not really complaining because this kid is pretty damn hot and I haven't had any guy sit on me for a long time. I kinda just lean to the side as cooly as I can- against my natural instincts to wrap my arms around his torso and just relax. More room clears up and he snags a seat behind me. I shuffle over to another edge to give him some room because as far as I know he's saying that he's straight. Some other guy who I completely go crazy for, J.S. pops up and decides to jump in the hot tub. So I'm now in a hot tub with three of the hottest guys in my grade and trying to decide what to do. Eventually, come 1 in the morning. Nearly everyone's left and it's really just degenerated into E.C., C.Q., C.S1, J.S., a couple of their friends and I just sitting by a fire talking about games I have no clue what to talk about. I eventually text my mom's boyfriend and go home. I stay up for another hour and go into a comatose state for 9 hours, which is about the most sleep I've had in a month.

A fairly atypical day

Today has been...interesting to say the least. Not like I would ever post something mundane on a blog, but relatively today has been off-kilter in many respects.

I needed to get all of my props in for my mock beauty pageant today, so I had my mom drive me to school. I go into the school carrying a chair with a white sheet draped over it tied with a black ribbon (A couch) and a box packed with stuffed animals to bring into E.W.'s room given that she's the director and could keep my props in her room. Come ten minutes of wandering the school looking for her because the door is locked, I find out that she isn't even in the school nor will be today! I finally dunk everything down in the auditorium with C.Q. and go off for breakfast.

Come Global Religions, we get the entire lab today because of a massive storm on Thursday night causing school to be cancelled on Friday. While this couldn't be better, I finished my project for Global Religions on Wednesday because I know the religion I'm doing so well. I go into Chinese and absolutely own the entire class because it's just answering a bunch of random questions about jobs and banks. Come Chorus class, I was off in singing but I really didn't care.

One of my friends K.B. and I are deciding to do a duet for a Cabaret show in a few weeks and to surprise our friends by doing one of the group's favourite songs together. The problem is that I'm a bass and have to sing the part of a tenor for the song. I'm planning on knocking all of my notes down an octave so I can actually sing the song without straining myself. Finally comes Humanities. We get the lab again for the entire block for the same reason as Global Religions!

So come mock beauty pageant rehearsal. I had to create a dance routine for the talent portion that I really dislike because the song is one that I've heard my entire life and E.W. has managed to badger me into doing it compared to bellydancing. I go onstage not knowing the dance because it was just created and a minute into the dance I get screamed off for not knowing the stupid thing and told to go print out the routine and practice. A half hour later filled with trying various computers across the school, I give up and go back to rehearsal. We're now on dream date, which my partner and I totally rocked if it weren't for E.W. interrupting us every other line to ask us about every little piece to it without waiting for the answer to her question like two lines later. A.H. my partner and I are kind of frustrated but now we have the scene down really well.

Along this entire rehearsal, A.H. and I are busy talking in the back of the auditorium about the people there. We've came to a consensus that the other director D.M. is flamboyantly gay and one of my cast members E.C. is extremely bisexual. If we use a scale of 1 to 6, 1 being extremely straight 6 being extremely gay D.M. would be a screaming 6, I would be about a 4.75 and E.C. would be a solid 3. It really amuses me especially because I see all of the other male cast members always touching each other and joking about it while considering themselves straight while I'm the only person there who's openly gay and refuses to touch any of the guys without any solid reason. You'd imagine all of these guys would be less... obnoxious and climbing all over each other because that would be portrayed as incredibly gay but no, they just bounce around smacking each other around while I'm sitting with a couple girls laughing my ass off at all of them.

I finally go home after a three and a half hour rehearsal covering two of the major scenes (most of it being the directors yelling at us for the questions being answered two lines later) extremely wiped. Good news is that I got a haircut which looks awesome and I have hair dye for tomorrow's escapade! I'm really excited for it and can't wait to see everyone looking at me this week where I come into school with something new added on every day!

Men are intriguing

So I just got home. I absolutely loved UW and Seattle, they're now my top choice for colleges. And I just talked to J.A.

As in that kid in my Chinese class that I've had a crush on for a while. It was in one of my previous posts, I think...

So I've been trying for a while to talk to him on facebook, but he's been so damn elusive. I log on and try to say a word but before I even ask a question he immediately logs off. For a while I was wondering if he blocked me on the facebook chat or not. But today I finally caught him. I had no idea what to say because all of my previous ideas were time-based (I.E. "What's the best way to ask someone to be their valentine?? I'm so lost..." or "What did we need to do for Chinese? I was in Chicago on Friday." and etc.) so I did the thing that any person with common sense would do:

Say something in a language he couldn't possibly know and play it off as a mistake. I chose Finnish for this encounter. Here's how it went down:

hei, henkilion syntymapäivää!

11:45J.A.

hello

11:45Alex

whoa shit sorry mt

that was meant for my cousin in finland

11:46J.A.

ok

that makes a bit more sense

11:46Alex

was starting to say, i dont think you know finnish haha

11:46J.A.

i wish i did

well i gg bye

11:46Alex

cyas

So right now I'm texting K.D. absolutely raving. My heart is slowing down but it feels incredible. I haven't chased after a guy like this in a long time, it feels fucking great!

Past couple weeks in review

All of this can be summed up in one word: Agh. Not anything like AAAAAAGH or OMFG AAGH!!! or even the daring AGHROPOLIS, it's just: agh.

I could safely say that however nice these past few weeks have been, they've also been slow and aggravating.

So, cue about a week ago. We just finished the ridiculous raffle for some really dull sport action pictures (Like, not signed or anything. It's just a little picture of a guy with a baseball bat.) which barely got anyone buying at all, we're now into the new semester, and guess what our beloved GSA leader Z.S. decides to pull out of nowhere? CANDY GRAMS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY! D'OH BOY! Not really. Because I'm one of the few people who actually bothers considering themselves a GSA member nowadays, I got roped in against my will. That means: I stand around for fourty minutes watching people eat everyday while I almost get purposely ignored! And not even a week into the new semester! And best yet: I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ANOTHER WEEK! OH BOY!!!

Not really.

But so far I'm absolutely loving this semester. I have all of my best classes now; Global Religions, Humanities, and Chinese! I also have Ceramics and Chorus but they are not my forte at all, I enjoy them nontheless.

Global Religions is taught by one of the chillest teachers in the high school, which means that within a week from now the entire class is going to devolve into everyone sitting around bickering with each other because we don't even have textbooks as very few people last semester has turned theirs in. It's at the beginning of the day and I have a few friends in the class. We all tend to sit there blankly trying not to fall asleep. It's awesome.

Chinese II is amusing so far. I've been the teacher assistant for the Chinese teacher for two semesters and I have actually taken Chinese I the semester for that, which means that I walk into the classroom at the first day of the semester and I know who everyone is already as I've pretty much taken Chinese I three times in a row. I know that if I TA for Chinese 1 more time I will have a mental breakdown, but it was so worth it. I walk into the classroom and there's this guy who looks so much like Rob DenBleyker from Cyanide and Happiness it's ridiculous.

So this is Rob, pretty much the personification of absolute sexiness crammed into one physical body. He also has an ass that could make porn stars weep. The kid in my Chinese class pretty much looks like Rob but a 16-year-old version with light brown hair and glasses.

It's quite scary, actually. He sits across the classroom from me and pretty much sits there with a look on his face like "I'm bored." So come Monday. It's the third day in the class and I'm already having to control my actions around him. My Chinese teacher decides it would be a great idea to have us go throughout the class and find five new friends. Half the class immediately pounds over to my side of the classroom because that's where all the cool kids are, most of the girls huddle up in a little corner, and hot guy is just sitting there quietly with a few other guys. I go over to escape the chances of a panic attack and then we start putting our Chinese names on a sheet of paper for the other person. That's the qualification of having a friend apparently, learning our made-up names. eHarmony would be flopping over in excitement over this... So come Wednesday, we have to finalize these things. I go over there because apparently we also have to figure out what the other person likes and doesn't like (one thing for each minimum), then he looks at me with a huge smile and starts talking about how he is going to say that I don't like cars (which I don't, actually. They bore me.) because that's one of the few hobbies he knows in Chinese. I agree that I don't like cars, and I walk off with his info just when the bell rings slightly disturbed about how he smiled at me.

Come TODAY, I have to meet up with him so we can introduce each other to someone. I'm completely congested right now and still kind of drowzy from the nyquil I took last night (I never react well to medication) so I look like I'm absolutely stoned. He asks me a question about something I don't remember, and I just stare at him blankly and manage to summon up a really slow "...Wuuuuuuuuuut?" He seems to not have thought anything about it, but internally I was trying to figure out the equation (Head + Desk = ?)

I'm just not gonna say anything about it later on...

First post!

So none of you know who I am. Well, maybe.

So my name is Alex, I'm 16 years old. I'm going to be 17 in April, and I still don't have my driver's license! I have to pay for it myself and I don't have a job, so that ain't going all that well. Nothing like a little optimism though. I've been trying to get a job at Starbucks for a while now, I'm thinking about kicking the pushiness up a notch. Nothing wrong with that, right? I don't mean that I'll jump up there and be all like "GIVE ME A JOB, NOW." but I'm not going to just sit here looking all cozy and happy as if a job is going to flop into my lap, because let's face it, it's not going to happen.

So a little bit about me. I go to a public high school, I'm pretty shy in school but I tend to whip out the occasional crack. I'm a fairly average kid; have a 3.3 GPA, go to a few clubs after school, hang out with friends, and I have a pretty solid plan of what I'm doing once I graduate. Oh yeah, and I'm not only gay but deeply in love with this guy I met before. His name is Joe and he's also one of my closest friends. I'll save him for sometime later, though.

So moving onto an actual blog stuff...

This Christmas was pretty great. I woke up at my dad's house (we celebrate on Christmas Eve, as states Finnish tradition) and had breakfast with my grandma. A little while passed then my mom picked me up and brought me to her house (where I live). Open presents, the usual. After all of that, I go to Joe's house to give him his present- you know, the general "Hi-merry-christmas-here-is-your-present-oh-boy-i-love-my-present-okay-see-you-later" drop-off. However, his mom answered the door and brought me in. I never met his mom before so we spent some time talking while Joe took a shower. Then his family arrived. About twenty of them. The house, however really large, was PACKED. I never imagined that one family can take up that much space. I spent the next six hours there talking with Joe and his family trying not to freak out because of my natural shyness. He drove me home and then went to his boyfriend's house about an hour ago. It was great, but I feel kind of lonely now. I guess I really do miss Joe. He's in college so I can only see him once every month or so. At least he's on break now, so we can spend time together.