Headache...

So yesterday I got really bored and decided to jump onto Chatroulette. Now, as some of you may know the website is starting up a penis recognition software that will block any dick-lurkers on the site. I decided to see if it's working and jumped on. Mind you, this is just about midnight. Five minutes and running through about half a million ads later, I end up with this really cute guy holding up a sign saying "I'm a boy." We end up talking, and then flirting, and then talking some more. By 3 in the morning, we were still talking, had each other's facebooks and skypes. We didn't stop talking until about 6 in the morning, when both of us kinda passed out. It was very interesting talking to him, because he actually lives in Brazil in my time zone so we were constantly figuring out the colloquialisms for each other's areas. For example, "-Q" is the equivalent of "lol"
It was very fun and the longest conversation I think I've ever had online, which is hysterical because it was with someone I never even met before. We're now blabbing on facebook a ton, so the world is happy.

Also, earlier today I decided to start studying for my Chinese final on Monday. Normally I would just open my textbook to a random chapter and start reading everything, but since I'm in my dad's house I really don't get the option to do that. So, I remembered of a website called Youku.com, which I think is the Chinese equivalent of Youtube. I go on and start watching this random Chinese kid's video. Two seconds into the movie, they whip out entirely Spanish opening credits. I was completely confused, but skipped ahead to see if it was in Spanish. It turns out to be Chinese with Spanish subtitles. I'm now sitting there utterly lost because I forgot that kid movies involve people running around at high speeds and talking like a fuckin' machine gun. Apparently in Asia, this is the norm so they decided to crank up the speed. When I say speed I'm insinuating that they snorted up some 'speed' or 'crack' and decided to start voice acting these characters on LSD. I'm now trying to read the Spanish subtitles and listen to this Chinese jargon that sounds like one gigantic word (I mean by it sounds like "喂我不喜欢说汉语还是说西半语我喜欢吃男朋友和小孩子分你们都不认识这个汉字你妈妈FUCKYOUALL." Yeah, you understand that? Neither do I.) when my dad and stepmom decide to run in. If that doesn't make anything better, my stepmom also likes to scream out in her native language: Finnish.

Dad: We're going to Walmart! 8D
Tarja: Jöö, tuttanne sinä vittupää!
Dad: LET'S GO NOW, BIOTCH.
Video: 你喜欢吸烟吗我喜欢跟我来我们喜欢五十年!
Subtitles: Me gusta comer mucho pene!
Dad: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!
Tarja: Let's go to Walmart! 8D Sinä olet hoora!
Video: 你们都吸男还是吃男我不认识为什么吃男太好了!
Subtitles: Chuleta de cerdo?

To make things worse, I think the ad to the right of the video was in Japanese... I have such a huge headache now.

The song of the day is Jazz Horse from Weebls-Stuff.com
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Jazz+Horse/

Gay Pride!

Saturday was Gay Pride Parade.
I woke up at 6 to get into full cybergoth, which involved tons of shaving and putting on makeup. The entire process took about 2.5 hours but came out INCREDIBLE. I had so many compliments on pretty much every aspect of my outfit, which made me feel good because this is my first time going nearly entirely full-cyber. The only thing I was missing was a surgeon mask, which was intentional because it's not so easy speaking in them and I don't want to worry about where it is at any given time.
I get to the parade at about 10ish, no one's there by this time because it actually begins at like 11:30. After about an hour of waiting, people start popping up out of nowhere. The thing about gay pride parades you always hear about but don't really have a clue of what the reality is like is the way people truly are. I'm in nearly full cybergoth, like tons of makeup, fishnets, black and white stripes, blue hair, and I look sane compared to some of these people. I saw people dressed up as horses driving people around, the most insane drag (like harlequin-esque drag, ones with tons of feathers, etc.), people dressed up as insects on stilts, and so much more.
At like 11:15, I was talking to J.F. (who I'm pretty sure hates me because I'm constantly in like this pre-dating stage with A.H-O. where we will hold hands and cuddle and flirt for no reason and J.F. clearly likes A.H-O. a great deal. I kinda feel like J.F.'s T.B., which is very infuriating for me and I feel so sorry for him.) and my chorus teacher M.M. walks up out of nowhere. I stare at him blankly for a couple seconds.

Me: Mr. M.?!
Mr. M.: *Stares at me* Alex?! Wow, you look... different!
Me: Yeah, I decided to go cybergoth today, which is why my hair's not red right now.
Mr. M.: Wow...
Me: So what are you doing here?
Mr. M.: Well, I'm hanging out with a few friends.
Me: Marching?
Mr. M.: GOTTA GO.

It was kinda awkward, kinda awesome at the same time.
Parade aside because it's just kinda generic for me by now, we finish in front of city hall at some kind of fair thing, which is where Gay Pride continues. My group and I RUN to the nearest abandoned booth and set up shop there because it's on the verge of pouring at this time. Two minutes later it begins. I spend the next half hour curled up in this little booth next to the Cirque Du Soleil people, when it finally lets up. During this time I took off my wig because it's just a pain to take care of if there's constant rain. When the rain cleared up, I went out with A.F. and a few other people, ran into some guy called Colby, instantly wanted to just throw myself at him (Like this guy was smoking hot and goth)
Eventually A.H-O. called and I gave him directions to our area because he was busy dealing with shit for the past few hours.
A.H.: Where am I?!
Me: Government center.
A.H.: I'm outside, where are you?!
Me: What do you see?
A.H.: I see a huge rainbow arch.
Me: THAT IS NOT HELPFUL.
A.H.: It's away from the city hall!
Me: THAT'S STILL NOT HELPFUL. WHICH EDGE OF THE STATION ARE YOU AT?!
A.H.: I don't know! I'm outside it!
Me: Do you see fishnets?!
A.H.: Oh, okay. I see you.
Me: *Head/cellphone*

We then proceed to spend the next long while hanging out. After a while I mention how horny I am and how I want to get fucked today. We start talking a bit about sex, then I bring up how I would love to have sex with him but figure that he wouldn't be interested. He responds with "I am pretty interested, but there's just a couple complications I have about it." He proceeds to list them, which makes no sense to me but whatever.
Time passes, we run into a few people including this girl called AI, J.F., and A.F. We spend the next couple hours talking with these people, I try to find a place when I can ask A.H-O. if he does want to have sex before we go to this club that night, which I don't. At some point, a couple guys from our group show up and we talk with them. I go behind A.H-O. and wrap my arms around him, then we start holding hands for about 10 minutes. It was really... nice. It's one of those things that I love; holding hands. It's completely platonic yet so intimate at the same time. I wish we held hands for longer, but J.F. was starting to look all upset and A.H-O. let go upon noticing his facial expression.
This entire time I'm extremely cold. I'm in mostly fishnets and thin clothes, with the exception of combat boots and tripp shorts, and it's about 60 degrees out and windy. C.F. shows up and starts to hit on me. I let him because he's incredibly warm and when he wraps his arms around me I become all toasty. I also borrow A.H-O's jacket along the way. According to C.F. (who's kind of a nymphomaniac), I have the perfect butt for bottoming, which makes me feel pretty proud of my butt.
More time passes, A.F., AI, A.H-O. and I head off to this gay youth club. We hang out some more, J.F. pops up out of nowhere. I ask A.H-O. again if he's interested in sex, he repeats that he has complications, so I just let it drop.
Moving ahead, we got into the club as the first people. It was strangely empty, which made sense because we WERE the first people in there, but still. People started trickling in over time, and I started grinding with A.F.
The entire club thing wasn't that exciting in itself with the exception of awkward meetings with people from my school and being called out by Sariah (apparently semi-famous musician, constantly heard in Abercrombie & Fitch) for my makeup, so let's fast forward to 10ish.
A.H-O, a few people and I leave the club to get to the train station. This kid David's train leaves in fifteen minutes at the station about 10 minutes away, so he starts running. We start running after him, and mid-travel we start talking. Somewhere along the line, David asks A.H-O. and I if we're dating. My eyes just bug out and A.H-O. was just like "Uhh... no." Eventually we get to the place outside of the train station and David runs ahead in a panic. A.H-O. and I hang back a little and hold each other a little, ending in a kiss goodbye. Now I'm just effin' confused about whether A.H-O. is interested in me or is stringing me along, because he's a sexaholic but won't sleep with me, will cuddle and hold hands with me, kiss me goodbye, but he also will hold hands and cuddle with girls. I'm just annoyed at my confusion because it makes me feel pathetic. Gods dammit, I hate liking people.
MOVING ON.
So, I'm at the subway station with David, he's freaking shit because his train leaves in like 10 minutes and the subway takes about that time to get to the train station. Suddenly, this guy pops up behind us.
(So you know, quotations will be David and I whispering to each other)
Guy: Hey, I remember you! You were wearing that makeup at the gay pride parade!
Me: Yeah, small world!
David: *Immediately starts giggling nervously*
Guy: Yeah, that was a fun parade. And I see you met someone!
David: Yeah, hi. (Do you know this guy?)
Me: (Not a fucking clue, fucking SKETCH.) Yup, we met at the club.
Guy: Oooh, nice. And I see you're going the same way. Meeting up at his house, eh? *Points at David and winks, nudges me a little with his elbow*
Me: Yeah, something like that.
David: *Starts seriously curling in a little ball giggling.
Guy: Have any plans for tonight?
Me: Not sure... *Starts playing along with Guy* Maybe head off with this guy. (Why is he so INTERESTED?!)
David: (I don't know!)
Me: (AAAAGH.)
David: (FUCKING CREEPER.)

This continues on for a little while, and eventually the subway shows up so David and I start full-on charging into the subway hoping that Guy is going on the one going the opposite direction. He does, so we're happy. Well, I am. David's pissed and letting everyone know because his train leaves in a few minutes and the subway doors are refusing to close.
We eventually get to the train station, I discover that the next train to my town leaves at 11:30, it's about 10:30, and his train is still boarding for some reason. He leaves, I just sit down and wait.
12:30 comes, I finally enter the doorway to my house. My mom is pissed that I was half an hour late without any notice (my cell died around 9 and no one was going to lend me their phone) so now I can't go to group meeting on Wednesday.
I absolutely loved Saturday except for one thing: now I don't know how A.H-O. thinks of me. I want to ask him, but I'm worried that it would just jeopardize the friendship and I risked that enough by asking for sex. I hate this kind of limbo stage... I might just ask K.V. or T.K-H. to talk to him and ask what he feels for me, because they're the awesome girl friends that could probably find out.

The song of the day is without a doubt "Deep N Luv" by Sariah, because this was the awesome performance she did Saturday night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yVkXq2RiVU

You guys probably all know about how much I hit on people. It's fun for me, makes me feel alive and attractive. Especially when I get something back. A.F. is someone who makes me feel alive, because we are able to act as friends but when we're alone then we start making out and being in each other's arms. A.H-O. is someone I actually like, I text him from time to time, I'm trying to start calling him, and I throw in the occasional flirt every once in a while despite the fact that it'll probably never work out. A.Z. is someone that I flirt with just for the hell of it, maybe because he'd be good for a hookup or a date. G.R. is someone that I flirt with over the internet just for the hell of it.
However, there's one guy who above everyone else that I feel the most regret for. J.T. used to be one of my closest friends, I could tell him about anything and he wouldn't care. He knows some of the worst things I've ever done and he looked past it. The problem is that he changed when he went to college. Before he used to be extremely sweet and a bit of a pushover, but when he noticed the latter he started to close himself off and become more...argumentative. It became a huge struggle just to say "Hi" to him and he always acted as if he was always wanted by a million people, that he was always busy going to people's houses. It hurt, I wanted to feel like I was the friend at the moment, not the plans with Hannah or Michelle. I knew it was selfish of me, but it does hurt a little when the phone suddenly rings and he's like "OH, SHIT. I need to go to . Sorry, Alex!" then drops me off to disappear for another week.
About five months ago, I got sick of the difficulty it takes to even hang out with him. I told him about how I just want a little more contact between us, even just a text every once in a while saying "Hey, I miss you." He flipped at this then threatened the friendship. I flipped at that, and have only talked to him once ever since then.
I was so pissed off, then. I don't take easily to people telling me whether I have to decide about the friendship because they don't care anymore or telling me to decide between one person or another. I take it as a sign that they put little value on the friendship itself, so I get extremely offended.
This changed a couple weeks ago when I saw him again. I finally managed to forget his face, his voice. Then he walked into the middle of GSA and started talking to people. I had to leave immediately because I felt sick from it. Now, he's back in my mind. I have dreams when he just arrives at my house and hugs me like everything's okay, where we can kiss each other on the cheek again. I have a bunch of his books that I need to return, but I'm so afraid of giving them back because it'd involve seeing him again. However, he's probably going to show up at everyone's graduation tomorrow then GSA on Wednesday. I don't know how I'm going to act, how he's going to act. It feels like two exes meeting each other again, except instead of a romantic ex he's a friendly ex.

I miss him so much.

The song of the day has to be "Underneath It All" by No Doubt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTRTnxzp6X0

THAT WAS NOT RIGHT.

I've recently discovered one of the worst things that can happen between you and a teacher. It's really funny in an intensely ironic poetic justice way.
So this one guy I've been sexting/flirting with on and off for about a year now, his name is G.R. He's a few years older than me, so since he was the first guy of any significant age that I flirted with, everyone else being only a couple years older than me. This was before my now-21-year-old ex P.R., by the way. So little while ago I was talking to someone and they brought up how my old math teacher Mr. R. is G.R.'s dad. I see Mr. R. every day and he is incredibly friendly.
This is what goes on in my mind every time I pass by him:
Mr.R.: Hi! How are you?
Me: Hi! I saw your son naked!
I'm not even sure if he realizes his son is bi... I'm heavily considering telling him that I sexted his son when I graduate, but that would be such a terrible idea in so many ways.

Also, last night I was at BAGLY and T.K-H was there for the first time in a while. Eventually, we decided to head to the train to go home, so goodbye hugs, kisses and nearly shoving my hand down A.H-O's pants (jk! kinda...) later, T.K-H and I are walking to the orange line. Along the way, we pass by these two hobos going down on each other.
Guy Hobo: *moving down on girl hobo*
Girl Hobo: Oh, yeah, baby!
T.K-H.: D8! THIS IS DISGUSTING.
Little Girl: Mommy, what are those bundle of clothes doing to each other?
Mom: I think I just caught airborne syphilis...
Girl Hobo: OOOOH YEAAAH
Me: Let's...just...run.

It was mildly disturbing to say the least.
After getting to the train, I lay around on my seat with my bag right next to me. I notice the sign right across from me saying, "PLEASE KEEP FEET AND PARCELS OFF THE SEATS." Oops. So the conductor comes by, I give him my ticket and student ID because I get half off on school days. He stares at me, looks at my ticket, looks at me and says, "Sorry, this only works before 8. It's 10:35."
Me: I never knew that!
Conductor: Well, you need to pay up!
Me: I don't have any money anymore, how could I at 17 years old?!
Conductor: Do you want me to call the police?
Me: *Fake-breakdown*
Conductor: Okay, I'll ignore it for this time. You do this again, though, and you're gonna be arrested and fined $500.
Me: That's pretty intense for a student.
Conductor: YEAH. DON'T GET TOO HAPPY.

That was just disturbing. Why does my line get all of the conductors who actually still care about their job?

The song of the day is the Fanny Pack song, because I've had it stuck in my head for the past two days for no reason whatsoever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2UuXY7-FII