You guys probably all know about how much I hit on people. It's fun for me, makes me feel alive and attractive. Especially when I get something back. A.F. is someone who makes me feel alive, because we are able to act as friends but when we're alone then we start making out and being in each other's arms. A.H-O. is someone I actually like, I text him from time to time, I'm trying to start calling him, and I throw in the occasional flirt every once in a while despite the fact that it'll probably never work out. A.Z. is someone that I flirt with just for the hell of it, maybe because he'd be good for a hookup or a date. G.R. is someone that I flirt with over the internet just for the hell of it.
However, there's one guy who above everyone else that I feel the most regret for. J.T. used to be one of my closest friends, I could tell him about anything and he wouldn't care. He knows some of the worst things I've ever done and he looked past it. The problem is that he changed when he went to college. Before he used to be extremely sweet and a bit of a pushover, but when he noticed the latter he started to close himself off and become more...argumentative. It became a huge struggle just to say "Hi" to him and he always acted as if he was always wanted by a million people, that he was always busy going to people's houses. It hurt, I wanted to feel like I was the friend at the moment, not the plans with Hannah or Michelle. I knew it was selfish of me, but it does hurt a little when the phone suddenly rings and he's like "OH, SHIT. I need to go to . Sorry, Alex!" then drops me off to disappear for another week.
About five months ago, I got sick of the difficulty it takes to even hang out with him. I told him about how I just want a little more contact between us, even just a text every once in a while saying "Hey, I miss you." He flipped at this then threatened the friendship. I flipped at that, and have only talked to him once ever since then.
I was so pissed off, then. I don't take easily to people telling me whether I have to decide about the friendship because they don't care anymore or telling me to decide between one person or another. I take it as a sign that they put little value on the friendship itself, so I get extremely offended.
This changed a couple weeks ago when I saw him again. I finally managed to forget his face, his voice. Then he walked into the middle of GSA and started talking to people. I had to leave immediately because I felt sick from it. Now, he's back in my mind. I have dreams when he just arrives at my house and hugs me like everything's okay, where we can kiss each other on the cheek again. I have a bunch of his books that I need to return, but I'm so afraid of giving them back because it'd involve seeing him again. However, he's probably going to show up at everyone's graduation tomorrow then GSA on Wednesday. I don't know how I'm going to act, how he's going to act. It feels like two exes meeting each other again, except instead of a romantic ex he's a friendly ex.

I miss him so much.

The song of the day has to be "Underneath It All" by No Doubt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTRTnxzp6X0